The Five Best Ways to Pray to the Snow Gods
It happens somewhere, every year: there is a dry period. High pressure systems reign, precipitation drops, and so does winter stoke morale. Winter enthusiasts all hope for a few things: steady snowfall, consistent temperatures, and low avalanche danger. Unrealistic, maybe. But so is making it through a dry spell without going a little crazy and taking any/all possible measures to have Ullr descend upon us again and bless us with snow, oh glorious snow.
These are the five best ways to pray to Ullr to get the snows to let loose upon us.
1. Sacrificial Burning: This is the most classic way to pray to Ullr. Build a fire in your backyard, call your friends, buy a few kegs, and start burning skis, poles, boots, sweaty long johns, etc. Drink all the beers. Or, blow up an RV, like this guy.
2. No Pants Dance: This is a classic backcountry lodge move. Losing the pants shows the commitment to withstand low temperatures. It also shows that no embarrassment is more devastating than a lack of snow.
3. Sacrificial Drinking: Many people resort to sacrificing brain cells. This is effective because Ullr has a very sardonic sense of humour and appreciates the morning haze crawl to the snow because of overconsumption more than most things.
4. Squatting: Just keep doing them. Show your unwavering commitment. Squat forever. Ullr notices.
5. Sorting Your Life Out: By doing your chores, completing your errands, cleaning your house, doing maintenance on your vehicle, organizing your taxes and a bunch of other really boring stuff, Ullr will immediately start to deliver. Or maybe that’s Murphy’s law? Whatever, basically, as soon as you start to be an efficient human again, Ullr will take the opportunity to ruin everything. But make it all better at the same time.
Now, a Public Service Announcement from Last Frontier Heliskiing:
As Ullr recognizes your sacrifices and starts to deliver the goods, please be sure to follow the Canadian Avalanche Association’s bulletin closely. The lack of snow for the last few months means that when new snow does start to fall, it is going to result in a very interesting and complex snowpack. Avalanche danger will be high, so choosing terrain wisely will be your best bet to stay safe out there. Come ski with us and let the guides do the decision making.
